i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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