So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I AM VODKA MAN
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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