Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
