just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
