jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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