my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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