1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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