Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Randomize
