so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
