What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
