omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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