I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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