Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
