I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
