peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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