when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
