Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
