I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
