And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
