he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
