His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
