I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
