do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
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I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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