I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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