let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
love makes seman taste better
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
