I want to have your abortion
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
pray to the hookup gods
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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