Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
