Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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