So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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