can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
