I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
whose parrot is this?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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