your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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