Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
