im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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