I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
