Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
