I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
