I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
