I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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