the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
