i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
