about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
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