I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
