This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
