If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
