Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
