I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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