yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
