I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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