Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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