Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
