it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I didn't notice because vodka
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
