help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
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to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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