i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
