I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
is it fun? or sober?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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