I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
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