The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
