"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
