I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
