the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
