We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
