He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
