How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
