So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
