i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
