when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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