The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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